For Allen

For Allen……….(but this isn’t really for Allen)

This is for YOU

Very few humans are so gifted in spirit & consciousness as AL

He always had a way of following the energy of life wherever it would take him.

~a way of looking at his own struggle, plight, fortune & grace with self reflection and humility

~life provided for him when he was in need and wealth flowed freely from him when he had plenty

His vibrant enjoyment of living was, well…..….. sometimes too much for the rest of us

It was often hard to imagine how someone could wake each day with so much faith

that things would eventually work out

Because of this, Al lived so many extraordinary lives that he should have died more times than we know, for his, well……..

Full embracing of life’s possibilities at any given moment

But Al wasn’t afraid

He wasn’t afraid of the consequences

He wasn’t afraid of the dangers

He wasn’t afraid of being hurt

And it seemed pretty clear that he wasn’t afraid of Dying

In fact, most recently,

He was asking more & more

Why he was still alive

And at some point

It seemed so clear to me

Our families are given to us, well……..with certain strings attached

There are things that we need to learn from our mother

our father

our brothers & sisters

our children

our husbands and wives

That no one else can teach us

The love, the friendship, the trust

The complications, the fears, the loss

The dreams,

The challenges that we face with our loved ones are vital to reckoning ourselves

in understanding the human experience

So much so

that breaking those connections or taking them for granted

or letting them slip slowly through your fingers

without embracing the truth & beauty that lies somewhere within each relationship

Can wound a person’s ability to See ………

To See what Al was so fortunate to See

In the last years of his life

Driven into deeper connections with his family

Every time he asked that question, I knew the answer was the same

He had to experience, resolve & enjoy his relationship with each of us

He was alive to be with us

To love us and to learn from us

And …….. he was alive so that we could learn from him

The light, the love, the learning

that my brother taught me – that I think he taught all of us in different ways-

Is irreplaceable, unmatchable and never-ending

He has changed me forever on such an intimate spiritual level

He taught me ………

that There is Nothing to Fear

& that Love is Everything.

He said to me, in a strained whisper, seemingly close to being freed from this world, nearly a year ago…

“When you stand before God

And look back over your life

If you acted out of love

There could be no sin

That if you are truly acting out of love

Then everything will be right”

It was so clear and obvious

His message rang so true that it needed no other confirmation

My soul already knew it to be true

My whole perspective on daily living changed

I started acting differently in line at the grocery store

When walking by strangers on the street

When arguing with my family or scolding my children

I changed how I was feeling about my purpose in life

And how every single moment meant so much more

I asked openly to the sky to be enveloped in love

And all my frustrations and fears just melted away

I try daily to listen to others from a place of love

And found that I heard things

from my mother

my father

my boss & my best friends

my children

my brothers and sister

my husband

That I had never heard before

And as I struggle daily to place my soul within that love energy

I know that Allen

Had always known

One of the most perfect truths

If you can allow yourself to surrender all your walls & fears,

All your worries and prideful assumptions

To the love energy that connects and feeds us

The love that breathes in every living thing

You Will Be Free

And I think that the moment

That Allen finally let go of this world

Was the Moment

That he Finally

Felt that Love

Completely

Be free Allen, I love you….

Written by Kirsten L. Edgar

July 17^th 2009